Afraid of what could have

So, what am I afraid of these days? To be honest I have been scared a lot lately. So not me! My dog got attacked by 3 mean dogs a few days ago. I had to recover from that. Not so much of what happened, but mostly of the fact that they were walking towards my 7-year-old daughter first. They could have attacked her, but they noticed me and my dog so, they attacked my dog. My dog is old and very fragile. She could have died, being attacked by 3 dogs, but my hubby rescued  us and the owner finally showed up. I hurt my IT-band ( left knee) at a boot camp last week. Observing my pain and weird sensations in my knee and low back I got really worried. What if I couldn’t run anymore? I would get so restless and fat! Fortunately it’s nothing dramatic and there is actually a lot I can do to get stronger and recover from this. But still. Scary! By moving to America my biggest fear was anything happening to my friends or family, while me being away. Nothing extreme happened but it could have. My husband had a big career-transition. I was confident about his choices but other people could change our lives forever. They did, in a positive way, fortunately. I was so scared of what could happen. Strange. It’s what you add in your head to what actually is. What do I add. I asked myself a lot to stay more realistic. My friend was running the Boston marathon last year. She was so good she came in before the bombing. This year she had a hard time running. She was very aware of the fact that she ran exactly the same time, as the people who ran into the bomb’s last year. The whole year she could have felt happy and relieved, but she felt afraid and vulnerable instead. Strong and vulnerable. I remember being so mad and panicking when they attacked my dog that I screamed and kicked, and totally forgot about my 7-year-old watching me. Only after a few minutes I was breathing and thinking about her. I felt ashamed of not caring for her. Weird. Fortunately, I learned about having compassion for others and for myself. About living in the moment and not pushing away my observations but acknowledging them, just as they are. Just sit with it and meditate. So I meditate my ass of! They are just thoughts and feelings. No need to be afraid. I’m only human! 20140425-210520.jpg


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