The first time a friend told me they were getting a divorce I was devastated. How was this possible? I need to do something, help them, they should try harder to solve their problems. A lot of judgement and opinion. Now, after several divorce announcements, I feel more peaceful. I trust them to make the right choices and just want to offer my friendship, a listening ear or support, if needed.
Recently I did make up my own Kind & Clear Divorce Ritual. I love rituals and I belief that a big transition like a divorce, deserves a nice ritual. To end a part of your life and to start this new part of your life. Life after marriage. I did it once with a very dear friend and it was very special. You could do it with both (X and the ex) or just with X.
This is created around the moment of signing the divorce papers/forms.
Create the right atmosphere, light a candle, maybe sit on the floor together Have the paperwork ready. Including the license of marriage. Maybe the ring, if you still have it. Put it next to you, so you can see it.
First question by me: How do you feel at this present moment?
Can you give me 3 reasons why this marriage was not a complete failure?
Repeat after me?
– I would like to thank my ex for….
– I would like to forgive my ex for….
– I would like to let go of….regarding my ex.
And now about you:
– I would like to thank myself for…
– I would like to forgive myself for…
– I would like to let go of….regarding myself.
So, are you ready to sign the papers now? A “silent moment” for signing. You did it. How do you feel right now? You can give a high-five or a hug, or a little gift to remember this moment.
8. Put on some of your favorite music, open a bottle of wine or even Prosecco, to “pop” to this moment and make a toast ” To life after marriage”. This can totally be a cheerful moment. It took a lot of courage to sign the papers.
Remember to do it in a mindful way. All emotions are allowed, no need to push it away, no need to help, no judgement, just “be” together. Acknowledge what is and let it be. By allowing the pain, paying attention to it, it will slowly pass.