This morning when I was walking and talking, the whole conversation led to an epiphany for both my friend and me. That’s what I love about coaching. we all learn from each other.
We were talking about the relationship with her spouse, my spouse and what’s working for us and what not so much. While I was listening and reflecting, using my Mindfulness based stress reduction tools, it sort of came to us. The whole idea of Mindfulness and meditation is to sit and acknowledge what is, like a scientist looking at the facts. And to let it be. You don’t have to accept it, but just let it be and be aware.
Like struggling with relationship issues too. Living in the present moment can be hard. They say if you are anxious, you live too much in the future, and if you are depressed, you live too much in the past. So, the present moment is what counts.
But what about marriage, committing to a future together and, while being married, not knowing if you are still connected enough?
- What does feeling connection mean to you?
- When did/do you really feel connected?
- How does it feel? (emotionally)
- Where or when do you feel physical connection?
What’s a marriage without feeling connection? Women tend to be more in need of the emotional connection and men more of the physical connection maybe. But these are very connected too! Even though my husband is away a lot, and we do not communicate that much, I do feel connected. Like the way I feel connected to my friends and family in The Netherlands right now!
But I also know the feeling of disconnectedness within a group of people sometimes. Like being at a party and feeling alone inside yourself.
For me feeling connected is not the same as communicating a lot. I can say that communication is actually in the way of feeling connected sometimes. So many words, empty, not the right feeling, something missing. An intention maybe. An intention of ” I hear what you’re saying, I see you, or of wanting to be a part of your life”.
Connection for me is having the same sense of humor, a vivid imagination, a child inside, being serious and deep but being not always deep or serious too, being open and vulnerable in our relationship. And Connection in things you share or have alike, like same memories, experiences, interests, the same community or even in the way you look, or where you come from!
In the book: The Buddha’s Brain by PH.D. Rick Hanson you can read about how, in your brain, you actually make new neuropath-ways practicing the things you focus on. By firing together , the neurons wire together! Small positive actions every day will add up to large changes over time, as you gradually built new neural structures.
We learn new things, every day! Every present moment.